Naturally, they open fire on the impertinent beast, popping off about 35 caps and again naturally, scoring no hits, possibly due to their advanced state of lubrication. The raccoon finally got scared and retreated into a three-foot diameter drainage pipe sticking into a ditch at a 45-degree angle about 100 feet from the house.

Then the homeowner, one Irving Michaels, 27, takes offense at the snotty attitude of the raccoon, grabs a five-gallon can of gas from his garage, pours some into the pipe, and tosses in a match. No ka-boom, no fire ... So Irving pours in a little more and throws in another match.

Still no ka-boom. More gas, 'nother match, no ka-boom. Finally, Irving pours the entire five gallon container down the pipe and tries to light it off. Guess what? No ka-boom.

Give Irving some points for tenacity, because then he climbed into the pipe and slid feet-first about 15 feet down the 'barrel,' where he tried one last match. KA-BOOM!! Success at last!

Witnesses said Irving, followed by an enormous fireball of flaming gasoline vapors, achieved about 25 feet in altitude and 200 feet of horizontal travel, arcing over the top of his own house and landing in his front yard.

"There was a Doppler effect to his scream as he flew over us, followed by the encouraging whoops of his inebriated friends as they opened fire on the smouldering raccoon as it sailed past them" said one Joseph McFadden, 31. Joseph said ol' Irving came outta the pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine."

Irving, amazingly, came out of it with minor injuries. The raccoon either escaped or was launched into the next county.